I had one of those rare opportunites Sunday night, after picking up my two teenagers from youth group, to get in to a deep conversation. While I have a great relationship with my kids, as anyone with teenagers knows it’s not every day that they are wont to open up to their parental units.

On the way home my son brought up the question of doubt. What do you do when you, doubt the validity of the Bible, the Christian faith and more importantly what do you do when you doubt God? Now I love this kind of discussion, to me this is the kind of opportunity that being a father is all about. This is the time when I get to (hopefully) help place a stone on the footings of their Christian faith. It’s an awsome responsibility especially in light of how fallen I am and as messed up as my walk has been. It caused me to take pause and consider not only how to answer but whether I’m the one too answer at all. In the end of course my overly opinionated ego won out… I’m prayerful that God was still able to use me

On an evening in Sept. of 92, Jo gave me a letter to read and tearfully sat down on a couch opposite of me. Perplexed I read what amounted to a ‘Dear John’ letter, that weekend she moved out. To understand the utter destruction that took place in my being one has to understand that from the beginning of my understanding of what women were all about I had wanted to be married. It was never a question in my mind as to whether I would or not, it was just a matter of finding my soul mate, and in Jo we believed we had both found just that. I came to a relationship with Christ through the prayers of Jo and her friends. They helped my join the church that I’m still a member of. Jo and I prayed that our decision to become ‘one’ was God’s will, and we truly believed that God was blessing us in our desire to be wed. 5 years later we had 2 beautiful, healthy kids. A vibrant life in our church. A home. Etc, etc… No life wasn’t perfect, yet in my mind, my dreams had come true. All of that was ripped apart by a single piece of paper torn out or a spiral bound note book.

The worst of it was my belief in what I had thought God had wanted for me. If I had been wrong in that, what else had I been wrong in. These weren’t brash assumptions, these were things that I had pinned to my faith. They had become an intrinsic part of my faith. In some way, like Abraham, they were the promises of God that I rested on. And now, like a slight of hand trick, they had been pulled out from under me. Was my faith all a lie? My friend, Gordon and I used to joke that Christianity for us wasn’t a crutch, it was full life support. Were we just kidding ourselves all along? In tears and anger and self doubt, for almost 4 years, I slipped as far away from God as one can go and still remain alive.

4 years of doubt, and I was now being asked by my son how to combat that.

I had to honestly admit to him that I was not a model to live by in this matter. That if I had anything to say it wasn’t based on my victories but in now being able to see how I lost. So what had I found in my own failure?

• Admit that you are doubting. Go talk to a to a fellow brother or sister, elder or pastor and let them know what’s going on in your life. I know that for those who are involved in a church or a ministry, admitting that you ‘doubt’ can almost be the same as admitting you’re an alcholic or drug addict. There is a fear of what others may think. The simple truth is that you are not alone, everyone has times of doubt.
• Allow people to pray for you. Most likely that may be the last thing that you’ll want to do for yourself, but at least allow others to do so for you.
• Assuming that you are plugged into a church, don’t pull away.

What ended my doubt? What brought me back? I could give the simple Sunday School answer and say, “God”. Of course I wouldn’t be wrong with my answer, but to be more precise, like the old joke of the fool caught up on the roof of his house in a flood, God sent someone into my life. The beauty of it is, that person had no idea how God was using him. Unlike the fool in the joke, when God sent the rescue party the third time, I went with them.

I’d love to hear from you, or see others write/blog about this topic. What are your personal experiences? What have you done or not done? What or who revived your faith?