There have been a few times in my life when I have had a vision that has touched me in such a deep and meaningful way that I can never forget it. Now before I go any further I want to clarify what I mean by vision. My visions have usually resolved out of a day dream as I ponder on a facet of God. I know this can sound a bit whacky but I believe we all do this to some extent. We listen or read something and then try to envision it. Perhaps trying to envision ourselves in it. I have, in my minds eye, seen both Heaven and Hell. Now if I were to describe verbatim what it was that I saw, neither of them truly reflect what the bible describes. What they described to me was the emotional quality of each, or at least as close as my limited understanding could comprehend. Both of these visions left me with the feeling that if this is what I could envision then the reality was far worse and far better than I could ever put into words or feelings. I know that I never want to feel the seperation from God that I felt when I envisioned Hell as equally as I desire the delerious feeling of being lost in the majestly of God when I envisioned Heaven.

This past Maundy Thursday as I listened to Pastor Carr talk about the last supper I couldn’t help but put myself into that upper room. Pastor Carr, painted a picture of Christ telling his best friends that one of them was going to betray him that very night. He asked if we couldn’t imagine the thoughts going through the disciples minds? Who is it? Are they sitting to my left or right? How well do I really know these men that one of them could betray the Teacher? Or, is it me? Am I the one that’s going to betray you? The pastor then pointed out that for us as repentant sinners we have to point to ourselves and admit that, “It is I Lord. I’m the one who has betrayed you.”

It was in this instence, knowing how right my pastor is, knowing that I have betrayed my Lord, over an over that I had a vision of myself seated in that upper room. The disciples weren’t there, but Jesus was reclined directly across the table from me. In between us was the dipping bowl and in my mind I heard, “It is one who dips bread into the bowl with me.” As I heard this in my mind I looked at my Savior who had a piece of bread in his hand and was reaching out to the bowl. I too had bread in my hand but was reluctant to join him, I didn’t want to be the one who dipped at the same time. Christ however, looked at me with a twinkle in his eye and with the subtlest gesture urged me to join him.

“Lord”, I thought to myself, “I know how often I have betrayed you. I’m not worthy to be here with you in this room, let alone seated at this table eating with you. Please, I can’t do this.”

Even as I silently pleaded with Him, He urged once more and like a veil being lifted from my eyes, I suddenly understood that this wasn’t a table of condemnation, but a table of fellowship. How often I come to His table not feeling worthy, how close I come to rejecting the fellowship that He offers.