No, not the kind that you wrote to your wife when you were trying to woo her.

Have you ever thought it might be a good thing, a nice thing to tell someone how much you care for them? Have you ever wanted to tell someone not just how much they mean to you, but how they have affected your life?

10 years ago (I can’t believe it’s been that long) my closest sister got the wild idea that we, the kids, would put together a small book for my Dad. In it we would each write a page or two filled with the things that we fondly remember of him. Going thru some of the files on my computer I found what I had written.

Hey Dad,
It’s all Helen’s idea again. She just wouldn’t take no for an answer, so hang on while I try to get this all out onto paper. It’s hard to try and figure out a good starting point for something like this. My oldest memories of you, that I can clearly recall, are of you coming home from work. I think you were already working at the World Bank, because I can remember you getting dropped off from your car-pool. I remember that it was a really big deal being able to carry your brief case into the house for you. At least I could if I could beat out Helen in getting to you. Even greater though is my memory of you coming home in the Winter. You always had on that big black overcoat. I can still remember the feel of the cold cloth, the smell that was part outdoors and part you and, the feel of your five o’clock shadow as you hugged me tightly. That is probably my all time favorite memory of you and one that I have always cherished.

On a lighter side I remember your great ventures into the world of home improvements. I recall you having a home fix-it book that became your bible during these adventures. I know that this is when I became fascinated with construction. Especially when you started nailing the bottom plates down with the nail gun. I thought that was the neatest thing in the world. Watching you build my room was a highly enlightening experience. I recall Mom ushering the girls and I out of the house so you could be along during the most difficult phases of a renovation project. Not only did we learn the layouts of all the malls in the area, but I was able to pick up some very colorful expletives to express feelings of frustration and pain. Of course I wasn’t allowed to use any of them when I hit my thumb! I’ve got to tell you; as someone who is in the construction trades, for a guy with no real background in construction you did a remarkable job in remodeling the basement. Especially when I consider the limited tools you had and the fact that you did it all by yourself.

In my teen years and before going into the service I recall mostly the fact that you allowed me room to make my mistakes and yet you were also always there to help me out. You always had words of advice as well as encouragement for me. No matter what direction I was headed – that week – you were always quick to point out the positive aspects of my decisions or giving me additional insight into what to look for in my endeavors. I know looking back at those times that I was totally oblivious as to what you were doing, or how much you must have wanted to steer me around some of my actions. I know some of my stunts drove you nuts with anger and worry over my future. I’m sure you also asked yourself numerously if you were doing the right thing. Who knows, but I’ll never fault you for the way you raised any of us.

Dad, no one gives us the God authorized version on how to raise kids or on how to run a family. We all make mistakes, and there are always those points in our past where we question if we should have done it a little differently or said something a different way. Perhaps….., but each and every one of us loves you for reasons that most fathers will never even dream of. You always gave me someone who was very solid and real. There was never any question on my part as to where Daddy was or when he’d be home. I could almost set a clock to your arriving home at 6:30 every night! I never had to wonder what the rules in the house were or where my place in the family was. I never questioned right and wrong or good and bad. Those ideas were placed in my heart from early on. I never thought to question authority (at least not for very long) because I always knew that I had the greater authority on my side. You were always the one that had the answer to my math questions, even if you were daunting to learn from. You taught me a lot of the values that people now a days take as some form of etiquette but to me it was just the way you did things, it was just the way you treated people, it is the way that I expect to be treated. You did a lot to strengthen my belief in my self, and that’s not something a lot of people will ever have someone say of them.

I could go on Dad but there really isn’t any need to. I love you very much, and the more I understand of what you did for me as I raise my own children the greater my love and respect for you grow. Thanks for wanting me 35 years ago, thanks for always being here for me.

A few weeks back I was talking with an older friend from church about me sons frustration in not having other male peers who are serious about their spiritual walk. He began talking about a retreat program called Chrysalis. I did some research on the program and while I’m not sure of the total connection, I believe it’s in some way related to the De Colores movement. I went on a De Colores retreat when I was stationed in Germany and it was one of the most profound weekends that I’ve ever had – and I wasn’t even a believer at the time.This particular retreat is for high school students and apparently you have to be invited by a sponsor in order to go. Dick said that he’d like to sponsor my son and that Sunday gave me a registration form. It’s the first time I’ve seen a retreat registration form that asked questions like, “why do you want to go” and “what do you expect to get out of the retreat?” My son was very interested in going. I reminded him that he wouldn’t know anyone else there, but that didn’t seem to phase him in the least. When I let Dick know about my sons decision he said that in all the years he’s been offering to sponsor a teenager this is the first time someone’s actually taken him up on the offer. I honestly think he’s as happy over my sons decision to go as I am.

So what does this have to do with the first part of this post? I’m supposed to write a letter of love and encouragement that will be given to my son at some point during the retreat. I’ve seen this done once before at a youth retreat I was helping lead and the emotional effect on the kids was incredible. So now this will be my opportunity to tell my son how much he means to me and how truly proud I am of him. I know I’ve told him these things before, but I know having them written down and available at any time, will mean much more to him. I’ve got to tell you I’m really looking forward to this assignment.

If my son wasn’t going on this retreat… If as part of it, I wasn’t being asked to write this letter of love… I don’t believe I’d be taking the time right now to do so, and that’s really sad given how excited I am. So please, if you’ve never done something like this before, let me encourage you to do so. The profound joy you’ll bring to the letters recipient is impossible to describe.

fyi – the “Thanks for wanting me 35 years ago…” is because I was adopted. Of course I’ve always had great fun with that by telling my 3 younger sisters, “I know I was wanted!”