the Requiest

4 years ago I entered into the world of online gaming for the first time. A friend of mine from work was always talking about a particular game and the group (guild) of friends that he had made online that he played with. Being an avid computer gamer I was intrigued by his discriptions of the game and the fun that he was having playing with other people who were located throughout the US. For Christmas 2002 my loving wife bought me the Everquest Gold Edition and so began a one year spiral into the vortex of death known to gamers as EverCrack. Googling my characters name I ran across a post on a forum devoted to one of the games player types called a Paladin. Believe it or not it’s been 3 years since I played and I can remember writing this post and the information included like it was yesterday. That’s how much I was into the game.

Re: Paladin Soloing Guide (levels 40-50) FV zone in the NE corner is a camp of Giant Arbors. There are 3 spawns. Fights at 43 usually took a root/heal to finish and at 45 I usually have between 25 – 60% hp left. I’m not twinked but I have been following the equipment lists on the board. Loot isn’t bad (mostly merchant fodder) and they usually drop a few plat in coin. The drop loot is heavy so go there with a Rallic Sack if you can and just camp for a day. Not many people come by on my server (spiders keep em away I guess). 5 hours of camping this past weekend netted me 1 level and 500pp. I know you ubber guys are going to laugh at that but for me this was nirvana.
BTW if you do a bad pull zone is within running distance even without SoW.
Rongisnom Requiest
I sing the final lament for the undead

I played every evening for 3 – 4 hours, my wife coming in to kiss me goodnight and then heading off to bed – alone. On the weekends I would play as much as I possibly could. My wife, bless her heart, tried in earnest to understand what I was doing and ask me questions. She tried to be an encouragement to me as much as she could, yet every hour that I played was an hour that I didn’t spend with her. Like a hammer and chisel, I relentlessly chipped away at her feelings of self worth, until there was barely anything left. I took a lovingly devoted woman of God and replaced her with silicone chips, plastic and wire. At the end of that year I looked at one of the statistics of my character that I had greatly ignored – hours of play. What I saw absolutely had my jaw hitting the floor. I had played this one character for well over a month. A MONTH!! Keep in mind folks we’re not talking about playing 8 hours a day for a month, we’re talking about playing on a computer 24 hours a day, 7 days a week, for over 4 weeks. If you put that back into 8 hour blocks, I had played this game like a full time job for over 4 months. With that horific realization, I deleted the game from my computer.

One would think, given that experience that I would have steered away from online games, or computer games all together. But I didn’t. Well I stayed away from the online MMPOG and MMPORPG – Massive Multiplayer Online Games/ Massive Multiplayer Online Roleplaying Games, but I still played my computer games. Then along came Guild Wars. Here was a game like EverQuest only I could play online but not have to join playing with others, yet at the same time I could immerse myself in a game where there were other people playing. All too soon I started seeing myself slipping into the same habits again with the creation of Wren Redfeather. Luckily this time I pulled the plug before I got fully sucked into the game.

Now I still enjoy playing computer games, and I can still spend more than what’s a fair amount of time playing them. I know that I have to stay away from MMPOG/MMPORG and so I have at least learned to limit myself to stand alone games and ones where I can put it on save or pause and easily walk away from it.

I’ve explained my own predelictions to computer gaming and the amount of time I have spent in order to focus the question of “electronic” gaming to the time spent, or as some would contend, the time wasted. Given the post last month by the Unfettered Monk stating his Moratorium on video game as well as my follow up post asking if these types of games are Not for the Christian? I think it’s valuable for us to question the time spent in these pursuits.

A dear friend of mine brought up the struggle that he’s had with online card playing. At first I thought he was going to confide in me that he had an addiction to gambling, but no his addiction is simply playing Spades. In talking about it he gets as animated and excited as I used to when explaining Everquest. The problem is, his young wife knows all too well where his addictive nature leads, as he confessed failing out of his graduate program because the game so distracted him from his studies. So this weekend she was absolute in putting her foot down when he played this past week, even though he hasn’t played in years. Listening to him relive what turned out to be a rotten Saturday for both of them I couldn’t help empathizing with both of them. She has a very real concern and fear that he will fall into old habits, and he’s feeling like he’s being treated like an untrustworthy child. I had to be honest and tell him that his past leads me to side with his wife at the moment. (I think there is a need for compromise from both parties)

In our discussion the term “hobby” came up. Couldn’t he and I say that this is our hobby? Is there anything wrong with having a hobby? Of course the first thing that popped into my mind was NO, there’s nothing wrong with having a hobby. As a matter of fact my wife not only likes the fact that I have a hobby, but she is willing to help see me invest in it. Of course she’s not referring to my computer playing as a hobby but to the hobby of stained glass that I picked up because of all the equipment her father left when he passed away. Mrs. Rong, even signed me up for some more classes that I happen to be attending right now. But here’s the thing with a hobby – a vaild hobby – there is an end product that’s created. My wife has no problem with me going into my shop and tinkering an entire Saturday afternoon away. She’ll even go down to the local supply store and help me pick out glass. In all honesty I don’t think I can use the term hobby in reference to playing electronic (console, pc) games. They are a form of entertainment and nothing more.

So what’s my personal take on electronic games? Do I view them as being inherently evil? Do I think that as Christians we should not allow them in our homes? That would be just a tad (cough) hypocritical of me if I did. What I do believe is that we should (especially as Christians) learn personal restraint and control. That we should regulate the amount of time that we spend on these forms of entertainment, that includes the boob tube. And if, like myself, you find that a difficult task then you need to give permission to someone to hold you accountable. Whether that’s your spouse, roommate or friend you need to ask and give permission to someone to help point out when you’re going overboard.

For parents my suggestions are:

• Computers/laptops/console gaming systems are never allowed in the bedroom. That is just way too much temptation.
• Keep these in a family room that is easily viewable, not down in a basement where you as a parent would infrequently go.
• Put a time limit on how long your kids can play for. Even better, tie it into a rewards system for behavior and/or household chores, homework, etc.
• Like driving, it’s a privilege not a constitutional right.

In my men’s small group we are using the DVD “Quest for Authentic Manhood” by Dr. Robert Lewis as an aid for our discussions. It’s been an excellent resource in helping us ask tough, thought provoking questions. One of the things that this video brought up was the fact that as Christians living in our western culture, there is no specific rite of passage or milestone that signifies a coming of age for a young man into adult hood. There are secular recognized ages such as 16 – getting a drivers license, 18 – the legal age of emancipation from ones parents and being able to vote, 21 – being able to purchase alcohol, 25 – getting a reduction on car insurance (one that I can fondly remember looking forward to), etc.

And while the church does recognize a number of significant milestones…

• Baptism
• Dedication
• Joining a Church
• Wedding
• Funeral

We are still left without a prescribed time when a father says to his son, “Now, you are a man.”

Should there be one? The scripture verse that most reference in regard to this question is Matthew 17:5 He was still speaking when, behold, a bright cloud overshadowed them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my beloved Son, with whom I am well pleased; listen to him.”

A large number of Chrisitan men’s organizations see this verse as a recommendation for Christian fathers to pass on the mantle of manhood with their sons. These groups also see the lack of a rite of passage as a shortcoming in our western society and one that can leave a man questioning his self worth.

Does Dad see me as a man? Have I achieved the goals that my Father set before me (even if I don’t know what those may be)? Is my Dad happy with me, or is there something that I still need to do to win his affection?

In my men’s group one of the guys mentioned that he is looking forward to setting aside a time with his son and going through a rite of passage with him. I have found this whole thing to be a rather new idea and so I’ve been doing a great deal of “googling” and reading up on rites of passage. I’ve been quite surprised with the number of sites I’ve found that are devoted to this topic. In explaining this concept to my 16 year old son, he said that he liked the idea. So what do you think? For those of you with son’s is this something that you’ve considered doing? In reading the articles that I have linked below, I question; if this is such a profound experience for a young man, if there is (and there appears to be) scriptural evidence to support it, then why aren’t we doing this in our churches? Why don’t we have something like this as a church recognized ceremony? And before anyone goes down a rabbit trail like, what if the child no longer has a father, then I would say that’s what the fathers brothers, Christian friends or elders of the church are for.

I’d love to hear what your thoughts are on this.

I found this to be an excellent article, although I do question the authors comments regarding girls and rites of passage – Boys Will Be Boys
This article at LeadershipU does a good job outlining Dr. Robert Lewis’s vision for manhood – Knighthood and Biblical Manhood
This is from the Band of Brothers site – Raising up the Next Generation of Brothers of Christ

If as Christians we don’t fill this need, should we be concerned that men who feel unconnected and lost may turn outside of the church to mark this transition in their lives.

Soulawakening.org
Menstuff.org
Context.org

I’ve always wanted a garden. From as far back as I can remember I’ve wanted one. I envisioned what I would have and how beautiful it would be. I dreamed of how I would take care and nurture it. How I would lovingly care for it and everything that it produced. Now I didn’t come to this idea lightly. I knew that there would be problems at times and there would be lots of hard work. I knew there would be days when the sun would feel to hot to work and the bugs would annoy me to distraction, but the picture in my mind would just as quickly brush these thoughts aside. I knew that with a garden I would have a place where I could simply be me not the lie I felt the world demanded me to be. I would find contentment in a garden, in my garden.

Well I have a garden. I’ve had one for almost 20 years now. I worked very hard at getting it, but at the time the work was all pure joy. No matter how much of myself I put into it I felt that I was getting double the return. For a time I did find contentment in it. There was nothing better at the end of a long day than to spend time tending it all of it’s various needs. My wife was/is equally devoted to (now) our garden. It took a little bit of doing on my part to convince her to work with me, but she did. With slight variations in breadth of vision, she caught on to the same dream and diligently worked beside me. At times we would even talk about how we could expand our garden. We knew it was a grandiose idea, yet it had appeal.

However, as time passed I became complacent about tending to the gardens needs. Weeds would sprout up and I would more often than not, try to ignore them. There would be long dry spells and the garden would need watering, but that would have entailed me going out in the heat and so I’d just turn away hoping that a summer rain would nourish it. My wife would come home from an even rougher day and she’d still go out into the garden to tend it, but there was no longer any joy. The garden had just become another job to deal with. Because she’s not the procrastinator that I am, she’d make sure the garden doesn’t die, but at the same time she felt very alone in taking care of it. Because of her diligence and my lack I grew angry with myself, but all too often would turn that anger on her. Now don’t get me wrong, there were times I’d still get into working on the garden with the same glee that I had years ago. On a cool summer morning, even before I’d had breakfast, I could find the joy that I had been missing and even conjure up those more youthful visions of what the garden could become. But those days were few and far between. More often than not, I’d work on the garden so as not to get in trouble with my wife. The garden was not the place of quiet solitude and happiness that it once was.

I used past tense verbs in the previous paragraph on purpose. In the past 2 months I have realized, through more than a little help, that my lack of attention to the garden is causing irreparable harm. I had thought, or at least hoped, that the little bit of attention that I was giving it was enough to sustain it. Of course I was also overly relying on my wife to hold it all together. The reality is that the garden may look good when we clean out the weeds but the soil lacks the nutrients needed to continue using it. So instead of doing the maintenance work all along that was needed, I find myself having to regroup my efforts and begin from scratch giving the garden a fresh start. It’s going to mean a lot of time and energy on my part to clean out all the dead plants and re till the soil, but the investment that I’ve already made, and that my wife has made, is too great to let it continue to fall apart. We both still have our vision of an abundant garden flowing with the fruits (or vegetables) of our labor.

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