Penitent Man

OK, this started out as just a short ramble, nothing more than to say that I survived the holidays (and one more home construction project), but I’ve been playing around with this for two days now.

The Sunday School class that I just helped teach was on Conflict Management. We briefly touched on forgiving, and as anyone can attest this is a topic that can easily be made into a class all on its’ own. It’s a subject that is timeless and something that I’m contemplating teaching. But, there is an aspect to forgiveness that I’m personally struggling with. My struggle isn’t about forgiving (although that can be an issue for me) but about being forgiven. And not just about being forgiven but a felt need for doing penance. I know, I know, I can hear the gasps of dismay from the Protestants in the audience, murmurings of heresy will most likely follow, along with shaking heads deriding me for returning to my Catholic upbringing. I know this isn’t a “Protestant” thing to do, but there is something in me that yearning for a little self flagellation, just a wee bit of personal scourging.

Be at peace brothers, I’m not trying to work out my righteousness, if that’s where you think I’m heading. Oh I know that I’ve wronged God (I’m probably doing so right now hoping someone will read this) and am deserving of His righteous punishment. I also know that any wrongs that I have and will commit have already be been atoned for by Christs’ blood and that outside of Christ’s sacrifice there is no work that I can perform that will remit the due judgment owed my transgressions. I’m also not referring to the guilt that the tempter would have me too believe.

No I’m talking about the kind of penance that’s done in order personally assuage a troubled soul and to garner trust. As to the first point.

…humans have an inner need to mourn over tragedies, as indicated by the fact Christ himself wept and mourned over tragedies, such as when he wept at the tomb of Lazarus or wailed over the faith of Jerusalem. This inner need must not be short-circuited; humans must be allowed to feel grief over tragedies (a fact which became very apparent to me when my wife died). And because our sins are tragedies, we have an innate need to mourn over them. We also have an inner need to make a gesture of reparation for our sins, even when real reparation is impossible. These are things penance does — allow us to feel the grief we innately have and need to express when we have done wrong and repented.

…People will immediately be told, “Hey, Jesus has forgiven all your sins! Now stop mourning them!” This is exactly like immediately telling a person whose spouse has died, “Hey, Jesus has taken your wife to heaven! Now stop mourning her!”

On the second point, I have found that trust is a commodity that I don’t often hear brought up during conversations on forgiving others. Oh we talk about loving the person and forgiving them as God has forgiven us. Or how we only harm ourselves by not forgiving someone. But if I’ve wronged you. If I’ve caused grievous hurt upon your soul, then even though you have the grace of an angel and have forgiven me, do I really have your trust? Has our relationship returned to what it was – previous to the offense?

I may forgive you for wrecking my car, but that doesn’t mean I trust you to drive it again. I may forgive you for divorcing me, but that doesn’t mean that I’m willing to give you my heart too tear out again.

More as I continue to work this out.

Peace,
Rong

Footnotes:
Protestant view on the Sacrament of Penance.

The Catholic perspective that I never recall being taught.