What is it about us? We strive to be in a state of being “in love”. What is that? Often I see potential and even existing healthy relationships prematurely end or at the very least be threatened because one of the parties come to realize that he/she (usually she) is not
“in love” with the other. Even “I love you, but I’m not “in love” with you.
Have you experienced this? Have seen it?
I think it is a disease of the American heart seeded by Holywood movies and romance novels that people digest regularly.
It has no Biblical basis and is not realistic. We are called to love; it is a verb. It is sacraficial – not self-fulfilling. It spurns good feelings sometimes, but it generally is just categorized as the right thing to do; and usually it’s hard work.
Hollywood idols go from one “in love” relationship to another trying to stay “in love” with for the rest of their lives and they continue to fall into misery instead – over and over again.
We need to explore what God thinks about this “in love” concept. Maybe you can help me – am I missing something? Are your wives “in love” with you? Do they expect they should be? If so – you may have a stormy future.
Any thoughts?
I’m not married and I certainly don’t have a wife
But I’ll speak as someone who hopes to be someone’s wife some day.
I’ve had similar thoughts. And I think it is in part due to Hollywood. Even at such a young age when we watched Disney Princess movies, we’re taught that it’s ok to disregard our fathers and follow “love” (ie The Little Mermaid, and she was only 16).
I don’t expect to be “in love” (in the hollywood sense) with my husband. But I do think that as a Christian wife, I need to follow Biblical example and love my husband that way. Isn’t it in I Corinthians and in Ephesians where its written that the husband love his wife and the wife respect her husband? But I think the confusion that so many people have is that they think that love is an emotion. When they say “I love you” what they mean is “I love how you make me feel.” And they could get that love from one person or another, or a pizza box, just so long as they get that feeling.
Basically, it’s selfish. Putting oneself above the other; exactly contrary to what the Bible commands (to consider others better than oneself – Philippians 2:3).
I hope that when I tell my husband that I love him that what I’m really saying is “I hope you are happy, satisfied, content, and secure in Christ, and if there’s anything I can do to make your life more pleasant, I’ll do it as unto the Lord with pleasure because He loves me.” not that there won’t be emotions, and not that I won’t have giddy feelings for him, just that those emotions won’t be the basis of my marriage.
Well said, Lauren.
I have been married for 12 years, and I “Love” my wife in the hollywood sense, yes. And what a blessing! But my love for her in the Biblical sense is what is critical. And it’s fairly simple – in words. For me to love her as Christ loves the Church is for me to give ALL of myself for her, to sacrifice myself for her. Can I pull it off? No way. But thank God for Christ… I can do all things through Him. And frankly, I think that the blessing of our romantic love is a natural outgrowth of Christ’s type of love in our marriage. Marriage is so SWEET!!!
~The Traveller