the Requiest

These questions were posed to me in an email from a close friend who’s part of an accountability group that I belong to.

Describe what it’s like to be in love with God? When are you most conscious of your own passion for him? What are the circumstances? How is it expressed? How do you keep the passion for God, “hot”? How might this keep you from the wrong things?

Our group has been posing questions like this to each other for the past couple of months as a way to dig deeper into our spiritual lives.  The questions have been fostering a deeper more intimate examination of ourselves than we have gone in the past year, and while the questions can sometimes be more revealing than we’d care for the conversations have been very fruitful.

My reply….

I guess I’d like to start by saying I think these are great questions and that any one of them would be enough to fill our time together. The problem I’m having in answering any of these questions is in the realization that I don’t spend, haven’t spent, the time that I already should have on this type of self reflection.

I’d like to say it’s when I’m having an incredibly euphoric experience; when I sense nothing but God and every other thought or problem has been tossed aside simply by the mere idea of being in His presence and what that will someday be like. But euphoric feelings, like puppy love, are short lived at best and usually leave us wanting something that doesn’t really exist, at least not in this life time. I have had fleeting moments when I believe I’ve understood as well as my mind will allow what it “will be like”, but they are as tenuous as the morning fog. Instead I find my love for God in the stalwart stronghold of his promises. I’m most conscious of my passion for God when I see "it" in other people who are struggling through insurmountable difficulties. I gain strength in my love for God when I feel his presence in the dark moments of my life. Why? Because, I weigh my own problems against theirs and find them in comparison - inconsequential, and then I look at the incredible strength that they have and understand that I can experience that too.

"I will love You, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer;
My God, my strength, in whom I will trust;
My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.
I will call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be praised;
So shall I be saved from my enemies." Psalm 18:1-3

God is here for me, just as he was for David. In my weakness He is made strong. It’s with this realization that I experience tears of real happiness and joy. I am not alone when I rest in the unfathomable awesomeness of my God.

The fact that I don’t remember this that I don’t recall these moments of assuredness… that is my personal downfall and folly.

Yearning, I adore you, wondrous hidden God,
Bread of Life by bread concealed, speaking heart to heart.
Give me now the faith that sees darkly through the veil,
Let your presence draw me in where my senses fail.

Seeing, touching, tasting, fail to grasp you, Lord.
Hearing only stirs up faith; faith clings to your word.
This is truth enough for me: all that you have said.
Faith alone discerns your Face, radiant Living Bread.

Seeing you upon the Cross, flesh and blood I find;
Here your flesh and blood are hid, veiled in sacred signs.
Trusting in your mercy, like the dying thief,
I confess you, God and Man; this is my belief.

Unlike Thomas touching, probing hands and side,
I see not but name you still God and Prince of Life.
Hold me in your presence, stronger make my faith,
Bolder make my hope in you, fire me with Love’s flame.

Wonderful memorial of the Crucified!
Sacred Banquet, Bread from heav’n, Wellspring gushing light!
Let your life be life to me, feed and feast my mind,
Be to me the sweetness I was meant to find.

In the wounded Pelican, faith sees something more.
She with blood sustains her young; you your blood outpoured
All the world to cleanse of sin. Bathe me in that tide,
Though a single drop makes pure those drawn to your side.

Jesus, here your Face is hid, from my sight concealed,
How I thirst to meet your gaze gloriously revealed!
After life’s obscurity, let me wake to see
Beauty shining from your Face for eternity. Amen.

Thomas Aquinas

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