the Requiest

Just a quick reply to my friend Lauren.

Dear Lauren,

In regards to your recent post dated June 6, 2008 ‘array of thoughts ranging in seriousness‘ I’d like to comment on your following thoughts.

ok, forgive me on this one, I just had a bunch of friends get married or start into new relationships:
If marriage is meant to reflect God’s pursuit of the Church, then women = Church, men = God -for the purposes of the analogy (disclaimer: I have never met a man that I confused for God. I have met many men that I confused for pond scum.).
So husbands are to reflect God’s character:
God is LOVE.
Love is PATIENT, love is KIND, love does not ENVY or BOAST, it is not ARROGANT, or RUDE; love is not insistent on its OWN WAY, it is not IRRITABLE or RESENTFUL.
LOVE BEARS ALL THINGS
ENDURES ALL THINGS
God is wise, loves children and wants many children. Once natural children have stopped being added, He adopts.
Love, Joy, Peace, Patience, Kindness, Goodness, Faithfulness, Gentleness, Self-control.
Just as Christ gave himself for the Church, so the husband must give himself for the wife.While the church is unruly and whore-mongering, Christ is faithful and forgives all her sins, so a husband will continue his affection even while his wife is unfaithful.
As you can imagine, its very easy for women to be the church since both are sinful and I mean FULL of sin. But I admire men who persevere and strive for the goal when the prize is dim and so far out of reach, especially when they are surrounded by less-than-worthy women. A man grows with Christ and in Christ, and Christ renews and regenerates him making him ready for his bride and to be Christ’s bride.
I don’t mean to excuse women, only to present this in a semi-humorous way. Woman must strive after God as well.
We all have the hope or the promise that we will one day be the bride. And if God should see fit to receive glory through me being a bride twice, I hope that my husband and I will take the gauntlet together and reflect the salvation plan through our marriage.
God has set the standard high for husbands and I will follow my Father’s footsteps and set the standard high for my husband. God has granted forgiveness and grace and mercy and I will follow my Father’s footsteps and grant forgiveness and grace and mercy.

Disclaimer: My comments are really only pertinent to Christian couples within the context of what I would consider your normal Christian home. And they mostly derive from the conversations that I have had with the men in my own small group.

The men of SMGC while in a state of deep retrospect and humble prayer would most readily agree on that fact, at least when amongst ourselves that we are pond scum. We perceive this as our fallen nature that we are too, and try too contend with on a daily basis. While we recognize women as also being fallen creatures and like wise stigmatized by sin in some like wise pond scumminess nature. Our own scumminess, for good or bad, disallows us to clearly see your (womens) scumminess. We do however sometimes see our wives as being sometimes nagging and petty, but we (SMGC) largely concur that this abhorrent behavior is due to us being pond scum.

What we don’t tell our wives, because we pretty much think that they’d laugh at us, is that we’d really and truly like to be spring water. I know that this may seem like an insurmountable goal, but when we open up to one another and humble ourselves before God, we pray to be spring water to our families. However, knowing that they know us as well as they do, we’re afraid to tell them this - dream of ours - because we know our fruit all too often is that of pond scum.

So instead of talking to our wives, we huddle and pray and ask God to forgive us and to make us better than what we are, because we believe that he’s given us our wives as both a gift and as a lesson to learn from. And in that learning we pray that He will cleanse us and make us into the spring water that we know he’s calling us to be.

But who can pass up Denominational Light Bulb jokes!

How many Charismatics does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one since his/her hands are in the air anyway.
   -Or-
Five. One to change the bulb and four to bind the spirit of darkness in the room.

How many Calvinists does it take to change a light bulb?

None. God has predestined when the lights will be on.
   -Or-
Calvinists do not change light bulbs. They simply read out the instructions and pray the light bulb will decide to change itself.

How many neo-evangelicals does it take to change a light bulb?

No one knows. They can’t tell the difference between light and darkness.

How many Pentecostals does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to change the bulb and nine to pray against the spirit of darkness.

How many TV evangelists does it take to change a light bulb?

One. But for the message of light to continue, send in your donation today.

How many fundamentalists or independent Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

Only one because any more would be compromise and ecumenical standards of light would slip.

How many liberals does it take to change a light bulb?

At least ten, as they need to hold a debate on whether or not the light bulb exists. Even if they can agree upon the existence of the light bulb, they still may not change it to keep from alienating those who might use other forms of light.

How many Anglicans or Catholics does it take to change a light bulb?

None. They always use candles.

How many campfire worship leaders does it take to change light bulb?

One. But soon all those around can warm up to its glowing.

How many Episcopalians does it take to change a light bulb?

Ten. One to call the electrician, and nine to say how much they liked the old one better.
   -Or-
Four. One to change the bulb. One to bless the elements. One to pour the sherry. And one to offer a toast to the old light bulb.

How many Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

CHANGE???????
   -Or-
At least 15. One to change the light bulb, and three committees to approve the change and decide who brings the potato salad.

How many Southern Baptists does it take to change a light bulb?

About 16,000,000. However, they are badly divided over whether changing the bulb is a fundamental need or not.

How many Nazarenes does it take to change a light bulb?

Two. One to change the bulb. Another to replace the new with the old after shaking it and finding it can be revived with a second blessing.
   -Or-
Six. One woman to replace the bulb while five men review church lighting policy.

How many United Church of Christ members does it take to change a light bulb?

Eleven. One to change the light bulb. And ten more to organize a covered dish supper that will follow the changing of the bulb service.

How many Lutherans does it take to change a light bulb?

There is some question here. But we have it on good authority that they have appointed a committee to study the issue and report back at their next meeting.
   -Or-
We read that we are to so fear and love God that we cannot by our own effort or understanding comprehend the replacement of an electromagnetic photon source. It is, rather by faith, NOT by our efforts (effected toward the failed worldly incandescence), that we truly see, and that our own works cannot fully justify us in the presence of our Lord and Savior, Jesus Christ. Of course, it is still dark.
   -Or-
None. Lutherans don’t believe in change.

How many Amish does it take to change a light bulb?

What’s a light bulb?

How many Mormons does it take to change a light bulb?

Five. One man to change bulb & four wives to tell him how to do it.

How many Presbyterians does it take to change a light bulb?

None. Lights will go on and off at predestined times.

How many Unitarians does it take to change a light bulb?

300. 12 to sit on the Board which appoints the Nominating and Personnel Committee. 5 to sit on the Nominating and Personnel Committee, which appoints the House Committee. 8 to sit on the House Committee, which appoints the Light Bulb changing committee. 4 to sit on the Light Bulb Changing Committee, which chooses who will screw in the Light Bulb–those 4 then give their own opinion of "screwing in methods" while the one actually does the installation. After completion it takes 100 individuals to complain about the method of installation and another 177 to debate the ecological impact of using the light bulb at all.

How many United Methodists does it take to change a light bulb?

We choose not to make a statement either in favor of or against the need for a light bulb. However, if in your own journey, you have found that a light bulb works for you, that is fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship to your light bulb and present it next month at our annual light bulb Sunday service, in which we will explore a number of light bulb traditions, including incandescent, fluorescent, three-way, long-lived, and tinted; all of which are equally valid paths to luminescence through Jesus Christ.
   -Or-
Undetermined. Whether your light is bright, dull, or completely out, you are loved –you can be a light bulb, turnip bulb, or tulip bulb. Church wide lighting service is planned for Sunday. Bring bulb of your choice and a covered dish.